The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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