i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
two words: eviction party
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
