We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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