I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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