If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
