Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
