I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
