ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
