Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
