you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
