i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
