hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
