Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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