Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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