I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
