I faked an abortion last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
