I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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