I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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