You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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