Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize