she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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