I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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