Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
