I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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