Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
