Dignity is for republicans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
