have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
