I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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