At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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