Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
