NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize