Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
