I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
