she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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