Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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