I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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