I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
