Got a toothbrush?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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