This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
