my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
