Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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