that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
