I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
