Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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