you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
