Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
