turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize