let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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