I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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