can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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