he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
