At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize