I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she pinky promised me she was 18
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
