Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
