It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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