I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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