Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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