Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
this boner is exhausting
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
