whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
