Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
