Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
