she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
