My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
