I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
