Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
