The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
