She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
