I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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