Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
