I accidentally had phone sex last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
