I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize