is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
