fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I touched a dick in church today
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
