i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
