so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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