last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
