Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
