when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
