I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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