Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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