I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
