I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
