Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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