clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
