The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
