Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
