Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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