It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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