Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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