cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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