I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
