I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
