This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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