I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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