At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
