I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
