i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
