I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
