Sponge bath it is.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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