some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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